QUEEN FACES

DEPORTATION

By Our Royal Correspondent Dick d'Astardly

The Queen and her entire family have been detained as suspected illegal immigrants under tough new rules announced by the UK Home Office.

"Preliminary investigations suggest George, Elector of Hanover and his wife Sophia Dorothea of Brunswick-Luneburg, the great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents of the present Queen were never legally registered as British. Her Majesty and her family have been detained and are currently being held at the Harmondsworth Removal Centre near Heathrow Airport pending inquiries."

The spokesman added that the government was considering a new scheme under which illegal immigrants will be allowed to stay if they agree to pay a fine or make a guest appearance on Celebrity Big Brother.