SENIOR CITIZENS TURN THEMSELVES INTO THE POLICE

Three elderly gentlemen turned themselves into the police after a sting operation at an awards ceremony last night.

It followed complaints by a starlet, named only as Roxanne, that one of the elderly gentlemen had been standing too close to her.

The senior citizen claimed that the object in his trousers was simply ‘a message in a bottle’, though the complainant said this was ‘De Do Do Do’.

“That’s all I want to say to you,” she told waiting reporters, though she admitted later to friends she had been driven to tears by the incident.

A lawyer for the pensioners said they were ‘walking on the moon’ at being granted bail.

Ms Regatta de Blanc, making reference to the complainant, said: “It’s our contention that every little thing she does is murky. There was no contact. She’s low life.”

Challenging the accuser to present her evidence in court, Ms de Blanc said: ”I know you will try to get the jury wrapped around your finger, but truth hits everybody in the end.”

Sir Gordon Sumner is 103.