'HANDS OFF' APPROACH

FOR UK SCHOOLS

UK schools are to be allowed to teach children how to read, write and add up under a revolutionary new scheme, the Government has announced.

Education Secretary Ruth Kelly said: "The idea is wonderfully simple. From the age of four until at least 16, students will be taught in classes of less than 400 by teachers who can speak English, and are not taking time out from a European back-packing holiday, in rooms that don't leak when it rains, with enough text books to go round and where the interests of well-behaved, motivated pupils are put before those of disruptive ones."

UK employers have given a cautious welcome to the proposal.

Sir Monty Don of the Confederation of British Industry said: "While we welcome any plan that increases the skills of tomorrow's workforce, has the Government considered the effects on the UK's fast food industry and out of town supermarket sector?

"If this plan goes ahead, we're concerned there may not be enough bored, acne-ridden, semi-literate, semi-numerate young people to staff the nation's check-outs."