BLUNKETT

TO GIVE UP
RESIGNING

British Work and Pensions Secretary David Blunkett will not be resigning more than once this week, a Downing Street insider said tonight.

He said: "The Prime Minister has absolute confidence in David.

"He expects him to limp on, like a wounded stag, until at least Friday, at which time Tony will take out his shiny cabinet shotgun and put this poor political animal out of its misery. After all, no one (apart from Stephen Quinn) likes to see a wretched creature suffer unnecessarily.

"The PM is very loyal to family pets and would eventually like to bring David back - possibly stuffed and nailed to a piece of wood in the drawing room at Chequers."

Peter Mandelson is very very lucky.